Hey Buddy, Can I Get a Jerk?

Hummer1 Comment

Today was my birthday. Herb and Carole are visiting. Haven’t seen them on my birthday in years. Its nice to have something to do on my birthday. Usually, it falls just after Thanksgiving and its a pretty boring time. Today, we decided to head out and do a little backcountry touring. We had a nice drive up to Rollinsville. Thought I would take everyone back to the Moffat Road, where we adventured about a month ago with the Hummer Club. A little snow at the lower elevations — this might get interesting. Notice the 2 dudes ice fishing on the right bank.

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As we started up the Moffat Road, the snow began to pile up a bit. But, hey, I have a Hummer right — I can go anywhere — or at least that is what the commericals tell me. So as we headed into a larger drift of snow, Kim proceeds to tell me that this is a bad idea and we shouldn’t go any further. This was obviously a blow to my manhood — can’t do it? Watch me. So as I accelerate into the drift the H2 grinds to a halt and the tires start spinning furiously. I am stuck. Fuck. I can just backup. Nope. The tires are not grabbing. Uh oh.

After some examination under the truck, we find that we are high-centered. This is when the middle-bottom of your truck is lifted up and the tires can’t touch. This is a bad thing in 4WD land when you do not have a winch. So after some struggles to try and move away some snow, we decided we had to wait it out a bit. Carole sat in the car with Sydney and entertained her — in between Carole praying to God that we would get out of there alive. Herb loves to tell all of us about the pioneers travelling through the mountains and how they struggled and some had to eat each other. Um, tastes like chicken. The women are getting nervous.

A few minutes later, a guy comes venturing up behind us in a Dodge truck and notices the Hummer stuck in the snow. We went over to talk with him. We were thankful that he showed up — but he was thankful also because he was about to go through there too. If the H2 can’t get through, what were his chances? This is a pretty busy trail so we knew somebody would come eventually.

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We got out the tow strap and hooked up. I only had a 20 footer. Unfortunately, since I was pretty far up the drift, he could barely get any traction in the snow. We spent the next 15 minutes getting dead tree branches out of the woods to make a track for the Hummer to back up on to over the snow. We then did a little bit more of a jerk pull and the H2 broke loose. I backed it down and out of the snow and we were free at last.

Now I probably wouldn’t have told this story here initially. In the moment, it was pretty embarassing to get stuck. All these people go and make fun of we H2 owners because of the truck. And here I go getting stuck in my first snow challenge. And of course, my wife, Kim, had to jump out of the truck and take a picture of me as I tried to dig my way out. She wasn’t going to let this event go undocumented! But anyway, I got out there in the snow. I got stuck. And I got out. And I learned a few things about how to deal with snow in the process: 1) Make sure Herb is with you, 2) When your wife tells you that you cannot buy a winch, don’t listen, 3) Save your birthday wish until late in the day — you may need it.

As we drove out and back down home, the ladies in the car sarcastically asked Herb and I if that was fun. We both nodded — yep! If nobody gets hurt and the truck isn’t junk, it was a good day! My Dad had to remind me that he had to dig my snowmobiling ass out of about 85 or so drifts in the earlier days before he lost count. I guess I just haven’t been the best at reading snow. But I always get out — one way or another. And I am never afraid to try and push it a bit. That is how you learn and have fun.

So I need to get myself another tow strap, a small shovel, and a winch. Then bring on the snow, baby! I am ready.