Help a Brother Out

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I am not fond of solictors.  We are pelted by them.  If its not the phone, its the e-mail, or its the doorbell.  The no-call list is the way to go. Iif you do not have one of these in your state, you need to get one.  I hear they are working on a national one.  And as for Spam, I recently bought SpamCatcher which rules!

Anyway, back to the story, so the door rings today and there is this 6+ foot African-American gentlemen…my age I suppose.  And what’s he selling….the bain of all solicitation products….magazine subscriptions.  So my new goal in life lately is to talk to the salesmen to the point of exhaustion so that they get too frustrated and just give up on me.  I got tired of the “we already got one of those” excuse.  I think its the Herb Fuller inside of me.  So he keeps telling me about magazines.  Used my “I read them online” excuse but he turned the tables.  He had a list of women’s shelters in Minnesota oddly enough that will receive the subscriptions if I buy one.  He said he was from Mississippi and was in Colorado learning his skills.  He has to acculmulate 20,000 points to get a $1000 cash prize plus some kind of gig helping counsel kids.  I asked him if he was going to teach them to be magazine salesmen as well.  I asked him what magazines he recommends for home improvement and fishing.  He didn’t know his goods.  He has 17,000 points after 1.5 years doing this.  Not sure if we worked his way to Colorado from Mississippi or what.  So I need to know what the mimimum buy-in was.  He kept quoting $2.00 an issue.  Finally, we did some math and figured out that it was $32 per year for some crappy mag.  Then I brought on the privacy issue — what are you going to do with my info?  He actually had an answer for that.  Then I offered I can do $20 — he can take it as a donation or towards a partial subscription.  “Can’t do that, sir.”  Huh?  Then he pulled out the order form which he wanted me to fill out.  Don’t want to.  I was happy handing him a $20 and moving on — no paperwork.  By the way he had sweet Air Jordan shoes of course — which I found ironic when he told me that he wasn’t going to get dinner unless he made some sales.  We all work for food.  Nothing new buddy.  If you want food or a beer, just ask.  So then he proceed to tell me how everybody needs a chance or a break and can’t I help a brother out?  I can help out 20 Washingtons, but not 32.  I only give those damn Brownies about $20 and then give me the Thin Mints that are more addictive than crack.  Now after about 10 minutes, he is squirming.  Can’t find a way to get my $20.  Isn’t that really the business lesson?  People won’t pay what you want, so you have to negotiate.  I felt slightly bad but we gotta stop sending kids door to door selling magazines for some perceived later opportunity in life.  I am not buying it or the magazines.