Brandon Fuller

Finding Purpose

Since Leadville, I sort of feel like that guy might. Searching for that source. What's next? I really didn't know. I put my name in the lottery for two of the most well known 100 mile races for 2012. I signed up for Leadville again. Those were obvious steps. But I also wanted more. Maybe I should get on a bike and go race 100 miles and get a Leadman? I could try but its not in my heart. I don't give a crap about bikes. I don't really like them. What to do?

Last weekend was the Hardrock 100 lottery. I followed on Twitter while every name was pulled. Over 200 names and mine didn't come up. Chances were slim anyways. Some of my friends that have been waiting for years got in and I was excited for them. I was sort of relieved though. I wanted to go but I am not sure if I am ready to go. The good news is that just by putting my name in, I improve my chances for next year. So it was a worthwhile exercise anyway. Maybe next time.

Today was the Western States 100 lottery. If you don't know, Western States is the original 100 mile race here in the US. Its our Daytona 500. Its not the hardest race. Leadville gets rated slightly harder. Hardrock is 150% harder polls say. But its a big damn deal in any case. Its the stage. I got one magic ticket along with every other guy who finished a 100 mile race or ran a 50 mile race in under 12 hours. The odds are terrible once again. 267 chosen out of X,000s of entires. But just like the Powerball, you buy a ticket because someone is going to win -- its probably not you -- but it might be.

I didn't watch the lottery today. I went for a run. With my friends. While about 1/2 way through my run today, my phone started going off in my pack. Wasn't even sure we had cell service. I take my phone for pictures anyway. OK. Fine. What's all the commotion? First thing I see is a Tweet from my buddy Brett out in South Carolina:

WTF? He is fucking with me! WTF? Huh? WTF? Really? It went on like that in my head for minutes. I tore my gloves off and responded back to him. "No way!". He responded with:

Well, I guess that's that. In those moments there, I think I found my (running) self once again. There was suddenly purpose where there was none. There was a new legitimate goal where their previously only finishing the crap I tried and failed at. There was something I wanted in front of me once again. While I should have wanted to run more now, I lost a bit of momentum for the currently in progress run. I had bigger fish to fry now.

I am running in the 39th Annual Western States Endurance Run on June 23 - 24, 2012!

Yes, its about a buckle once again. Trick is that given the odds, I really only have 1 shot at this one. I go, I race, I finish. There will be time goals as well but above it all, there will be absolute conviction to finish. I saw the other side of the coin this past August. I don't know what the new me will be capable of with those demons in my head. But I am sure excited to find out! Hope you are too!

And Leadville is still on too. I better go buy some more yarn.