That Is Not How It Works

Rants6 Comments

If there is one thing you can count on when on vacation, it is running into some assholes that are on vacation too. Decided to rant today instead of taking pictures of more scenery that would just depress you.

So at the pool, there are tons of chairs but they are all taken by books and towels. I guess these inanimate objects need a nice place to sit just as we humans do. Furthermore, these books and towels show up earlier and earlier each day. Some books and towels get up at the crack of dawn and find their chair. Later in the day, some humans eventually inhabit the chairs for some short period of time before going in the pool or leaving for lunch. Then the books and towels are back on duty.

I was frustrated by this the last two days but after hanging out on the pool ledge for up to an hour I would eventually run over as some people left and snag the chair. Time to take the law into my own hands.

Today, no chairs again but I noticed 4 chairs sitting in the pool (on a ledge) with only hotel bathroom towels on each of them. You are not supposed to bring your bathroom towels to the pool at any hotel, especially one like this one where they give you beach towels each day. They were in front of cabanas reserved with many towels and bags. So after about 30 minutes of no activity, I walked over, looked around, removed the towel, and carried the chair back to our spot on the other side of the pool. All done nice and slowly. Cool. Then, from across the pool and getting closer…

Her: Sir! Sir! Excuse Me!

Me: Yes?

Her: Uh, that was our chair. It had our towel on it.

Me: Oh, I didn’t realize that. No one had been in that chair all morning. And we needed one.

Her: We have had that chair all week. We have 11 kids here. We got up very early to save it. You can’t just take it.

Me: Oh really, I didn’t see anyone using any of those 4 chairs all morning.

Her: You can’t just take a towel off a chair. That is not how it works. Those are reserved.

Me: Oh, sorry, I didn’t see a sign explaining the towel/chair system. You folks seem to have 3 cabanas and a half dozen chairs, I just would like one for my pregnant (said extra loud) wife here. But if you would rather her sit on the ground here while you are not using the chair, go ahead and take it back.

Pause

Her: (Screaming over to her husband in an annoyed-because-I-am-a-bitch-and-cannot leave-it voice) Honey, he says he wants one of our chairs for his pregnant wife. Do you care?

Him: (In a you-are-a-bitch-so-stop-pissing-everybody-off voice) I don’t care.

Her: Fine.

Me: Thanks.

After she left, all the people around me gave me a “you did the right thing” compliment. Then one old woman mentioned to Kim that that lady was a “you know the b-word”. Yes, she is a bitch, Grandma. An hour later a chair freed up across the pool so I darted over and grabbed it and walked it over to the bitch and sat the chair down next to her.

Me: Thanks for letting us have that chair, here is one back for you in exchange.

Her: –Frown–

The towel went back on the chair and nobody sat in it for the rest of the day. Should be fun tomorrow when I wake up at 5 AM just to put towels in their 3 cabanas to reserve them. That is how the system works, bitch.

  • Kick ass! Was it as good as the throw-down you gave to the horsebackride lady in CB? I can only imagine…:)

  • Natalee

    If you ever need back up (or a babysitter) you can always take me on your beach front trips with you. I’m always up for a good bitch fight.

  • > Should be fun tomorrow when I wake up at 5 AM just to put towels in their 3 cabanas to reserve them.

    i really hope you actually do that!

  • We made a wonderful trip last year; al the way from Tijuana to the southern point of Baja, by a ot of local busses and places, so I must have been close to where you are now; we finally arrived in la Paz en then took a boat to mainland Mexico.

    I bet that if you give one of those nice vendors over there a few bucks, they will sit on your chair all night till to show up 🙁

  • maybe you’re not so g.d. passive after all.

  • Carole Fuller

    B,

    Don’t you know that there is a chair Nazi at every pool. Lois encountered one at her condo last winter in Florida. Her name was ‘Queenie’ and she would get up every morning at the crack of dawn to arrange the chairs and distribute the towels as if this was a paid position. Well, a posse of members got up even earlier one morning and each decided to hide several chairs. When Queenie arrived to begin the process she couldn’t believe her eyes….no lounge chair ..oh except for one that was ancored in the bottom of the pool with her name on it….