The Hulk Sucks

Rants25 Comments

I used to love the Hulk on TV.  Pretty cool.  Was excited about the movie — until I saw it.  What a piece of crap.  How much plot development did they think they had to do?  Just turn the dude green already and bust some stuff up.  And I am not sure if I dug the CGI Hulk — hey, when you grow up with Lou painted all green, you get used to it.  Now they got some enormous Hulk thing that can fly into the stratosphere.  Ok?  Most of these comics turned movies like Spiderman where pretty good, but this one….yuck.

  • for once bro, I have to completely agree with you! 🙂 gosh there is a first for everything eh? haha

    seriously, I agree with you totally!
    and what in the heck was all that crap at the end all about? I mean, did David Banner have all the same powers as his son? they never did explain that. and then here I was used to seeing Lou, or a hulk maybe 7 or 8 feet tall maybe, I heard he is supposed to be 9 feet tall though, but instead in the movie, they Hex out this 30 foot monster, making him look like a bad guy and all that, what the heck was that all about? susan and I totally agree with you, two thumbs DOWN on the Hulk

  • Hopefully, the video game is cooler! 🙂

  • Max

    Brandon, you apparently know nothing about the Hulk! You don’t even realize that the Hulk TV show wasn’t even the actual story line of the Hulk! You obviously can’t appretiate a good story line, and dont have any problems admitting it either! The intire movie was based on the comic book, and in the comic Hulk is enormous, and can jump, not fly, extremely high. Because the actual hulk story line is complex, I can understand why you probally wouldnt like it. By the way Tom, the Hulk really is a 15 foot monster, you moron! I think anyone that agrees with your opinion, is obviously a retard! I hate you both, you crack head retards!

  • Max

    God, I know I allready told you two idiots off, but GOD! I can’t get over how incredibly stupid the two of you are! Tom, if you ever saw a 15 foot tall, green monster in real life, would you really stand there and think it was a good guy? By the way, they did explain what had happened to David Banner, you just so stupid you couldn’t understand! And no, David banner did not have the same powers as his son. The Hulk can’t absorb elements, and turn into a rock monster. I know that it was hard to tell while watching the movie, wasnt it? Oh wait, NO IT WASN’T!!!

    Brandon, how could you not believe the CGI on the Hulk? I mean, if you ever saw Hulk in real life, how realistic could he possibly look? Oh wait, we’ll never know because green monsters don’ t exist!!!

  • Max

    Two thumbs way, way, waaaaaaaaaaay UP on the Hulk!!! Quite possibly the greatest movie of all time… Morons.

  • Geez, Max, I guess you liked the movie. Great. But I still get to have an opinion here in America and that doesn’t mean I am a crack head retard.

    Actually, you were right on one thing, Tom & I grew up watching the Hulk on TV. Not our fault, its just what we saw. So that has become “our Hulk”. I never was into comic books.

  • I’ve never been into comic books either. I wouldn’t worry about it Brandon, little children that use language like this in everyday conversation are too immature to understand the meaning of the words they use. apparently someone with a 5 year old mentality level wrote this. disagreements are great, downright rudeness and language like this is one thing I will not tolerate, but typical these days.

    If what you say is true, and the TV show wasn’t the actual story, I highly doubt the movie was any closer to the real story, if anything it was probably further off.

  • allen

    Anyone who watched that damn movie and actually liked it is a fucking retard.

  • Max

    Brandon, you are absolutely right. Here in America you do have the right to have an opinion… And here in America I have the right to say that your opinion SUCKS. And I’m not just right on one thing, I’m right about everything I said. Except maybe all those insults, which I am sorry about. But anyone that knows me, knows I tend to get a little worked up when I start talking about the Hulk. Tom, how can you have any idea how close the movie was to the real story, when you never read the comics!? I’ll admit, the movie did have it’s differences compared to the comic book, but atleast it was closer to it than the tv show was (which I do like, by the way). I can’t understand how anyone could have seen Hulk fight off those tanks, and still think the movie was bad.

  • Max

    How dare you say that I’m the one with a 5 year old mentality! If I remember correctly Tom, you’re the one that had to have the end explained! You were so incredibly dumb founded that you even said they never explained it!!! You’re even worse Brandon! You said, and I quote, “How much plot development did they think they had to do? Just turn the dude green already and bust some stuff up.” Now that’s 5 year old mentality!!!

  • Look, the movie was bad. The plot was good, the character development was good. The execution was terrible, and the ending was cheesy at best. Sometimes, there are just things that work in comics that don’t come off well in movies and visa versa. In my opinion, the hulk should have been played by a real guy. They used WAY too many CGI effects, and the movie turned into a laughable compilations of mean-looking “Shrek” shots. Take the new “Hellboy”. In the comics, he’s a LOT bigger than that. But using a real guy made it everything that “Hulk” just wasn’t. Sorry, max you’re kicking a dead horse here. The movie was a flop.

  • lover

    Max, i love you. come to my house dressed as the hulk and kiss me. kiss all over until i have blisters all over my body….

    I know you want to…….

  • Max

    There wasn’t anything wrong with the execution, the movie kicked ass and then some! How could you not have liked the ending!? It was supposed to be cheesy, when Bruce Banner said “Don’t make me angry, you would’nt like me when I’m angry.” It was paying tribute to the tv show(which is awesome). Plus it gave some comic relief because he said it in another language. Are people with your opinion blind or something!? “Shrek” shots, what the hell are you babbling about!? If your gonna seriously compare the cgi in Shrek to the cgi in Hulk, you’re the worlds biggest dumb ass! Do me a favor and don’t comment about anything ever again.

  • Lover

    Max! my lover Kiss me………

    Kiss all other my body while i rud your back. i want you to come to my house dressed as the hulk. let me spank your ass.

    OOh spank it hard!!!!!!! oh yes! Spanky spanky!

    I know you realy want to.

  • Lover

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  • Joey

    the government is trying to hipnotize you! dont whatch it! trust me whatever you do DONT WATCH THE HULK. after i got done watching i sleeped walked during the night and smashed my collection of expensive china. I sware! the government is trying to controll our minds by using subconscious flashes on the movie. every fifteen frames there is a flash on the screen that tells you to smash things durring the night. it is to fast for you to see but subconsciously you get the message and you obey.


  • pete

    there are a couple of things wrong that i found in the movie, the hulk that are realy funny because they could never happen because of physics. However i do take it into acount that a man turns into a huge green monster with super elastic pants.

    1. Whatever that bomb was (please dont tell me what it was i dont whant to know) when it exploded it produced a mushroom cloud, a bretty big one in fact. To produce a mushroom cloud you need heat and to produce a large one in an istant like it did in the movie, you need a lot of heat. With that much heat air expands at a fast rate producing wind and a noise (ex. thunder). However, amazingly when the bomb went off there was nether of that even when the bomb went off in the middle of the lake with trees around it.

    2. When the hulk was takeing a joy ride on the jet air plane he should have disruted the flow of air that the plane uses to keep up in the air. The plane should have drop from the air like a rock but amazingly it floats out into outer space. In which the hulk should have depcompresed and died instantly.

    3. When the hulk is falling back to earth he falls fast. I take it into recomidation that he is big and hevy and falls fast. Plus we dont know how long the blackout was. but amazingly (once again) when he reches the San Fransisco bay he slow enough just to make a little splash when he should have made a wave big enough to surf on.

  • Max

    Pete, stop trying to sound like your Einstein or something. There was a couple things wrong that I found in your three points.

    1. How the hell would you know if there wasn’t a huge noise? I just watched that seen over again to see what the hell you were talking about, and they cut the noise the very instant the bomb hit to create a dramatic effect. I can tell you’re a little confused about the whole explosion thing, so allow me to explain it to you Einstein. The explosion never even came out as a mushroom cloud moron. When Bruce Banners dad absorbed the water in the lake and moved outward he was shaped somewhat like a mushroom cloud. When the bomb hit, it wasn’t the explosion that looked like a mushroom; it was the lake. The explosion looked more like a dome or something. The whole explosion scene was really short anyways, so it’s not possible to determine what the outcome was. So infact, tree’s probably were destroyed in an instant. It’s hard to tell, considering how far back the camera view was.

    2. First off you need to understand the whole concept that the madder Hulk is the stronger he is. That should give you the impression that he gets bigger and heavier, too. Obviously you don’t have very much common sense. The Hulk was trying to save the plane, so he obcviously wasn’t very mad at the plane. Then as the plane got higher he slowly blacked out. Thus leaving him that much lighter due to the fact he couldn’t have been mad as he was slowly passing out. You act like the Hulk could have taken down an airplane that large just by hanging on to it. Watch that scene again sometime, that’s a pretty damn big plane for a jet. Also, what the hell are you talking about when you say the plane went into outer space?! First off that plane would have been fried if it had gone through the atmosphere. They were just so high that it was easier to view outerspace from their position. And another thing: if the Hulk had gone into outerspace he wouldn’t have decompressed and died instantly. I don’t know if you read the comics(you obviously haven’t), but the Hulk’s body is tough enough to stand going through the atmosphere, and he also has shown to be able to stay alive in space. He’s been in outer space plenty of times in the comics.

    3. You can’t possibly know how heavy he was when he fell into the water, he had blacked out. How much emotion could he possibly have had while he was passed out? He couldn’t have been very mad. The size of his splash is determined by speed and weight. If he wasn’t very heavy he couldn’t have fallen hard enough to create a wave big enough to surf on. Because of the fact they never directly explain just how heavy he was at that moment, the splash could have been any size the Ang wanted it to be.

    So there. Once again there is absolutely nothing wrong with the movie! Feel free to post another comment when you feel like actually saying something intelligent, rather than acting like it.

  • This is too amusing.

    If the hulk loses his emotions every time he blacks out, why doesn’t he return to bruce banner? If he can retain some emotion, why doesn’t he retain his anger? What does his weight have to do with his shape, which is what’s going to disrupt the lifting power of a plane? How does anyone not laugh at Hulk’s Government Issued Magical Elastic Expando Pants?

  • Because those pants keep him out of jail. Otherwise, he would be arrested for public indecency I suppose. He might scare the children with his big green dong after he busts out of those pants. Ron Jeremy better watch his back.

  • Max

    Luke, you’re putting words in my mouth. I never said the Hulk completely loses his emotions whenever he blacks out. I don’t know if you actually saw the scene where he blacked out, but when he did it was very short and couldn’t have been enough time to completely lose track of ALL emotion. Even if he was slowly turning back into Banner, the incredible point of impact when he landed (which was obviouisly enough to not only give the Hulk a wake up call but seriously piss the hell out of him) had to have kept him in his present state. So this is why he couldn’t have become Banner. The point that I was trying to explain by mentioning his blackout was that as he was blacking out it had to have been decreasing his anger. Which is just that much more of a reason for his weight and size to also have decreased; even if just a little. Which brings me to my next point.

    His weight has a lot to do with his shape. If his anger decreases, then his muscle weight has to decrease. If his muscle weight decreases then his size has to decrease. If his size has decreased then his shape had to have decreased too. Even if it was just by a little, his current situation at the time was still more than enough to keep a plane of that stature (compared to the Hulk) from instantly “falling like a rock.” Once again, however, because his weight/size/shape is never directly said, it is only implied. Though, I must say: it’s pretty obvious.

    One more thing Luke: I have no idea what you mean when you ask “If he can retain some emotion, why doesn’t he retain his anger?” I don’t recall ever saying anything that even sounded like that. maybe you can post something back and explain yourself. You make it sound as if the only emotion Hulk can feel is anger. If thats the case, i’m not even going to waste time correcting you.

  • Max

    I thought you said you liked the Hulk in the old Hulk tv show Brandon. You know, the Hulk actually wore real pants in which case it should have also torn off, too. Which makes just as much sense as super elastic shorts. Who cares if it doesn’t make much sense. Grasp the concept that it’s a movie about a huge green monster. Stop thinking of little things that don’t make sense because they don’t matter. That’s why it’s a fictional story.

  • Hey Max, the Hulk has a blog now!

  • Hulk

    This is the hulk. the things you say hurt me hurt me bad. hulk angry. HULK SMASH THINGS! LIKE KEYBOARD. shit now i cant type anymore.

  • Max